Category Archives: Weekly Radio Address

The President’s Weekly Radio Address: July 9, 2011

Remarks of President Barack Obama
Weekly Address
July 9, 2011
Washington, DC

Earlier this week, we did something that’s never been done here at the White House – we had a Twitter Town Hall.

Dude, there’s a really good reason that’s never been done before.  Ahh, I mean other than the fact that no President has been President when Twitter was around.  It’s because Twitter Town Halls are for Lindsey Lohan, Beonce and Advice On #IWouldNeverStandForThatKindaNonsense.

Serious dude, Twitter Town Halls in the White House?

I even sent my first live tweet as President.

This is the thing a 7 year old says.  Not a President of the United States of America.

You are not running for American Idol.

The questions at the town hall were sent in from across the country and covered all kinds of topics – from jobs and the economy to education and energy.

Lots of people also submitted different versions of another question.  They’d start by saying that our politics has grown so contentious.

I wonder who they’re talking about Mr. #NotSoContentious man?

Then they’d ask, When will both parties in Congress come together on behalf of the people who elected them?

That’s a really important question, and it goes to the heart of a debate we’re having right now in this country – and that’s the debate about how to tackle the problem of our deficits and our debt.

Now, there are obviously real differences in approach. I believe we need a balanced approach. That means taking on spending in our domestic programs and our defense programs. It means addressing the challenges in programs like Medicare so we can strengthen those programs and protect them for future generations. And it means taking on spending in the tax code – spending on tax breaks

Have I told you how much I enjoy that?

and deductions for the wealthiest Americans.

But I also know that Republicans and Democrats don’t see eye to eye on a number of issues. And so, we’re going to continue working over the weekend to bridge those gaps.
The good news is, we agree on some of the big things. We agree that after a decade of racking up deficits and debt,

Dubya.  You still can’t let go of that whole “partisan game-playing in Washington” thing, can ya?

we finally need to get our fiscal house in order. We agree that to do that, both sides are going to have to step outside their comfort zones and make some political sacrifices. And we agree that we simply cannot afford to default on our national obligations for the first time in our history; that we need to uphold the full faith and credit of the United States of America

Do you know that even if we don’t extend the debt limit we won’t default?

With a recovery that’s still fragile and isn’t producing all the jobs we need, the last thing we can afford is the usual partisan game-playing in Washington.

See?

Mr. President, with all due respect, I would submit that you are the last person, in Washington, to suggest that we should set aside the “usual partisan game-playing in Washington” bit.  I mean, do you remember the whole “we won” thing?  Yeah…..I do.

By getting our fiscal house in order, Congress will be in a stronger position to focus on some of the job-creating measures I’ve already proposed

Nice deek.  Congress.

Oh, and I really like the whole “job-creating measures I’ve already proposed” bit.  Well played.

– like putting people to work rebuilding America’s infrastructure,

Huh?  We can do that now.  The monies we take in for roads and bridges can cover the repairs to our roads and bridges.  We just aren’t spending it on roads and bridges.

or reforming our patent system so that our innovators and entrepreneurs have a greater incentive to generate new products,

Yeah…patents.  THAT’S what’s holding us back!

or making college more affordable for families.

College s the next bubble.  Watch.

And businesses that may be holding back because of the uncertainty surrounding the possibility of a default by the U.S. government will have greater confidence to invest and create jobs.

No.

No.  Business is not holding back due to uncertainty surrounding default.  You got the uncertainty right, but you missed the whole “why” part.

I know we can do this. We can meet our fiscal challenge.  That’s what the American people sent us here to do. They didn’t send us here to kick our problems down the road. That’s exactly what they don’t like about Washington. They sent us here to work together. They sent us here to get things done.

Right now, we have an extraordinary – and extraordinarily rare – opportunity to move forward in a way that makes sure our government lives within its means,

What ARE you talking about?  We have this opportunity virtually every day.  Just quit spending so much frackin’ money!

that puts our economy on a sounder footing for the future, and that still invests in the things we need to prosper in the years to come.

 

And I’m hopeful that we will rise to the moment, and seize this opportunity, on behalf of all Americans, and the future we hold in common. Thanks everyone, and have a great weekend.

The President’s Weekly Radio Address: July 2, 2011

Remarks of President Barack Obama
Weekly Address
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Washington, DC

Right now, there are a lot of folks who are still struggling with the effects of the recession.  They’re wondering how they’d deal with an unexpected expense if their car breaks down.  They’re worried about layoffs. They’re not sure if they can help their kids pay for college. And for many families, these challenges were around long before the recession hit in 2007.

I ran for President because I believed in an America where ordinary folks could get ahead; where if you worked hard, you could have a better life.

See, I don’t think you did.  I think you ran for President because you felt that many of Americans’ had too much money.  And that you felt you could implement your own version of fair.

That’s been my focus since I came into office, and that has to be our focus now.

Mr. President?  To be fair, that hasn’t been any part of your focus since you came into office.  In fact, it’s been the exact opposite of your focus since you came into office.  See, you’ve focused on health care, auto bailouts and union givebacks.  None of those things creates jobs.

It’s one of the reasons why we’re working to reduce our nation’s deficit.

Define “working”.

Government has to start living within its means, just like families do.  We have to cut the spending we can’t afford so we can put the economy on sounder footing, and give our businesses the confidence they need to grow and create jobs.

I must say; truer words have never been spoken!

The good news is, Democrats and Republicans agree on the need to solve the problem.

Jeez, Mr. President, I hate to interrupt, but Democrats don’t agree on this point sir.  See, they wanna KEEP spending like college sophomores at Myrtle on Spring Break.

And over the last few weeks, the Vice President and I have gotten both parties to identify more than $1 trillion in spending cuts.  That’s trillion with a ‘t.’  But after a decade in which Washington ran up the country’s credit card,

Holy jeebus you won’t let Dubya go will ya?!?

we’ve got to find more savings to get out of the red.  That means looking at every program and tax break in the budget – every single one – to find places to cut waste and save money.  It means we’ll have to make tough decisions and scale back worthy programs.  And nothing can be off limits, including spending in the tax code, particularly the loopholes that benefit very few individuals and corporations.

I love with a capital L how you call a “tax break” a “spending program”.  So that’s how you’re gonna role, ain’t it?  You are gonna say that a tax break is an expenditure and that in order to “cut spending” you’ll have to “cut” those “tax breaks”.

Sparky….over heah….not foh nottin’, but ‘dat sounds like a tax hike to me! /SexyMobAccent

Now, it would be nice if we could keep every tax break, but we can’t afford them.

Here it comes….the money line….

Because if we choose to keep those tax breaks for millionaires and billionaires,

millionaires and billionaires…..

or for hedge fund managers and corporate jet owners,

MO’NEY!

or for oil and gas companies pulling in huge profits

I gotta say….I’d bet even money, EVEN ‘effin money, you couldn’t tell me what profit means!  Just sayin’.

without our help – then we’ll have to make even deeper cuts somewhere else.  We’ve got to say to a student, ‘You don’t get a college scholarship.’

Psssst…..ssshhhhhh, don’t tell no one…..he maybe don’t.

We have to say to a medical researcher, ‘You can’t do that cancer research.’ We might have to tell seniors, ‘You have to pay more for Medicare.’

How ’bout we tell 2 year unemployed guy he don’t need no more benefits?  How about we tell the college researcher looking into the mating habits of the Russian Yak we don’t maybe care so much?  How about we quit hiring $800,000 prison doctors?

Why do you always ALWAYS take the most important expenditures and put them at the top of the “cut list”?

Never mind…..I think I know.

That isn’t right, and it isn’t smart.  We’ve got to cut the deficit, but we can do that while making investments

Did’ja know that investments = spending?  I told you that Democrats don’t agree we need to cut spending.

in education, research, and technology that actually create jobs.  We can live within our means while still investing in our future.  That’s what we have to do.  And I’m confident that the Democrats and Republicans in Congress can find a way to give some ground, make some hard choices, and put their shoulders to wheel to get this done for the sake of our country.

On Monday, we celebrate Independence Day, the day we declared a new nation, based on revolutionary idea: that people ought to determine their own destiny; that freedom and self-governance weren’t gifts handed to us by kings or emperors, but the rights of every human being.

Yeah.  Some of us [hint hint] believe that ore than others do.  I suspect you are very much in favor of removing self-governance wherever you can.

We’ve learned in the years since that democracy isn’t always pretty.  We have arguments.  We disagree.  But time and again we’ve proven that we could come together to solve problems.  We remember that while we may not see eye-to-eye on everything, we share a love for this country and a faith in its future.  That’s the spirit we need to harness now.  That’s how we’ll meet this challenge and reach a brighter day.  Thanks for listening, and have a wonderful fourth of July.

You don’t have to thank me for listening.  What would be refreshing is if YOU would listen.

Weekly Presidential Address: June 18, 2011

This week Obama focused on the obvious subject; Dads and Father’s Day.  It’s a good listen and well worth the 4+ minutes.

Listening to the President I’m reminded that the Left doesn’t have bad goals, in fact, the message that they preach is often one of noble and admirable qualities.  A message that IS jarringly absent in some of the circles and conversations we involve ourselves in day to day.  With that said, I certainly disagree on how we get to that place we wanna be.  But it’s hard not to agree on that destination.

Happy Father’s Day President!

The Chairman’s Weekly Radio Address: August 16, 2009

Remarks of President Barack Obama
Weekly Address
Saturday, August 15th, 2009

This week, I’ve been traveling across our country to discuss health insurance reform and to hear directly from folks like you – your questions, your concerns, and your stories.

Nah, nah ya haven’t.  You’ve been making fun of guys like me.  Calling me a teabagger and a right wing nut case.  What you ARE doing is travelling across the country talking to folks like you!

Now, I know there’s been a lot of attention paid to some of the town hall meetings that are going on around the country, especially those where tempers have flared. You know how TV loves a ruckus.

Ahhwww, you folksy guy you!  But really, ’cause organizing is your bag I’m just ‘spossed to not have my say?

But what you haven’t seen – because it’s not as exciting – are the many constructive meetings going on all over the country where Americans are airing their hopes and concerns about this very important issue.

I’ve been holding some of my own, and the stories I’ve heard have really underscored why I believe so strongly that health insurance reform is a challenge we can’t ignore.

They’re stories like Lori Hitchcock’s, who I met in New Hampshire this week. Lori’s got a pre-existing condition, so no insurance company will cover her. She’s self-employed, and in this economy, she can’t find a job that offers health care, so she’s been uninsured for two years.

See, now that’s strange.  And while I’m not callin’ ya a liar, I AM sayin’ I don’t believe you.  See, I went on line, just now- right this very minute- and found a quote for health insurance that covers me after a 5k deductible for about $130 a month.  Now, I don’t have a pr-existing condition, the plan WOULD cover me 12 months after I had been paying premiums.  So, ya see, you CAN get coverage.  If you are willing to, you know, work.

Or they’re stories like Katie Gibson’s, who I met in Montana. When Katie tried to change insurance companies, she was sure to list her pre-existing conditions on the application and even called her new company to confirm she’d be covered. Two months later, she was dropped – after she’d already gone off her other insurance.

These are the stories that aren’t being told – stories of a health care system that works better for the insurance industry than it does for the American people. And that’s why we’re going to pass health insurance reform that finally holds the insurance companies accountable.

Do you know what that means?  To hold an insurance company accountable?  Cause I don’t.  See, I have insurance and I see doctors and my kids see doctors and the insurance company pays the bills.  I don’t fight with ’em or have to call ’em or anything.  So, what are they doin’ that you don’t like?

But now’s the hard part. Because the history is clear – every time we come close to passing health insurance reform, the special interests with a stake in the status quo use their influence and political allies to scare and mislead the American people.

Strange of you to speak so poorly about your Union brothers.

As an example, let’s look at one of the scarier-sounding and more ridiculous rumors out there – that so-called “death panels” would decide whether senior citizens get to live or die.

Before you get on with what I am sure is a well thought out response to this concept—-it’s TRUE.

Now, back to regularly scheduled programming.

That rumor began with the distortion of one idea in a Congressional bill that would allow Medicare to cover voluntary visits with your doctor to discuss your end-of-life care – if and only if you decide to have those visits. It had nothing to do with putting government in control of your decisions; in fact, it would give you all the information you need – if you want it – to put you in control of your decisions. When a conservative Republican Senator who has long-fought for even more far-reaching proposals found out how folks were twisting the idea, he called their misrepresentation, and I quote, “nuts.”

So when folks with a stake in the status quo keep inventing these boogeymen in an effort to scare people, it’s disappointing, but it’s not surprising. We’ve seen it before. When President Roosevelt was working to create Social Security, opponents warned it would open the door to “federal snooping” and force Americans to wear dog tags. When President Kennedy and President Johnson were working to create Medicare, opponents warned of “socialized medicine.” Sound familiar? Not only were those fears never realized, but more importantly, those programs have saved the lives of tens of millions of seniors, the disabled, and the disadvantaged.

Those who would stand in the way of reform will say almost anything to scare you about the cost of action. But they won’t say much about the cost of inaction.

You’ve been down this road before; remember the Stimulus package?  Yeah, how’d THAT work for ya Sparky?

If you’re worried about rationed care, higher costs, denied coverage, or bureaucrats getting between you and your doctor, then you should know that’s what’s happening right now.

We’re not worried about it; we get it.  It’s a concept that we are all familiar with.  It’s a concept that serves us well.  For example, when we ration on price we get healthy competition resulting in lower costs and higher quality.  Not that you would know about it however, so, just keep on pretending like you’ve ever had a job.

In the past three years, over 12 million Americans were discriminated against by insurance companies due to a preexisting condition, or saw their coverage denied or dropped just when they got sick and needed it most. Americans whose jobs and health care are secure today just don’t know if they’ll be next to join the 14,000 who lose their health insurance every single day. And if we don’t act, average family premiums will keep rising to more than $22,000 within a decade.

On the other hand, here’s what reform will mean for you.

First, no matter what you’ve heard, if you like your doctor or health care plan, you can keep it.

Right…..until ya need to change.  Then, then ya can’t keep it.  But just go right ahead and skip that part.

If you don’t have insurance, you’ll finally be able to afford insurance. And everyone will have the security and stability that’s missing today.

Who can’t afford insurance today?  Really?  Who?  And why not?  I swear to you…when you buy ANYTHING before you buy insurance, it means that you can buy insurance you simply choose not too.

Insurance companies will be prohibited from denying you coverage because of your medical history, dropping your coverage if you get sick, or watering down your coverage when it counts – because there’s no point in having health insurance if it’s not there when you need it.

Insurance companies will no longer be able to place some arbitrary cap on the amount of coverage you can receive in a given year or lifetime, and we will place a limit on how much you can be charged for out-of-pocket expenses – because no one in America should go broke just because they get sick.

Finally, we’ll require insurance companies to cover routine checkups and preventive care, like mammograms and colonoscopies – because there’s no reason we shouldn’t be saving lives and dollars by catching diseases like breast cancer and prostate cancer on the front end.

Pssst, over here.  You mentioned above that the normal tactics were being used to fight this, cough cough, reform bill of yours?  Well, far be it from you to go down that road.  Cause, ya know, insurance companies cover that today already.  But shhhh, better for you if no one calls ya on that!

That’s what reform means. For all the chatter and the noise out there, what every American needs to know is this: If you don’t have health insurance, you will finally have quality, affordable options once we pass reform. If you do have health insurance, we will make sure that no insurance company or government bureaucrat gets between you and the care that you need. And we will deliver this in a fiscally responsible way.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  What kinda mooch do ya think I am?  No government bureaucrat, fiscally responsible.  Rich!

I know there’s plenty of real concern and skepticism out there.

Ya think?  Even you Democrats are eating your young on this one.

I know that in a time of economic upheaval, the idea of change can be unsettling, and I know that there are folks who believe that government should have no role at all in solving our problems. These are legitimate differences worthy of the real discussion that America deserves – one where we lower our voices, listen to one another, and talk about differences that really exist. Because while there may be disagreements over how to go about it, there is widespread agreement on the urgent need to reform a broken system and finally hold insurance companies accountable.

Nearly fifty years ago, in the midst of the noisy early battles to create what would become Medicare, President Kennedy said, “I refuse to see us live on the accomplishments of another generation. I refuse to see this country, and all of us, shrink from these struggles which are our responsibility in our time.” Now it falls to us to meet the challenges of our time. And if we can come together, and listen to one another; I believe, as I always have, that we will rise to this moment, we will build something better for our children, and we will secure America’s future in this new century.

Jeez!

The Chairman’s Weekly Radio Address: June 6, 2009

Barack Obama’s Weekly Radio Address

June 6, 2009

Over the past few days, I’ve been traveling through the Middle East and Europe working to renew our alliances, enhance our common security, and propose a new partnership between the United States and the Muslim world.

You can call it that, in fact, many do.  I mostly call it an apology, but hey–that’s just ME.  Oh yeah, psst, when, umm, are the, you know, Muslims going to step forward and propose a new relationship with the United States?

But even as I’m abroad, I’m firmly focused on the other pressing challenges we face – including the urgent need to reform our health care system.  Even as we speak, Congress is preparing to introduce and debate health reform legislation that is the product of many months of effort and deliberation.  And if you’re like any of the Americans I’ve met across this country who know all too well that the soaring costs of health care make our current course unsustainable, I imagine you’ll be watching their progress closely.

Closely.  Yeah, that’s a word.

I’m talking about the families I’ve met whose spiraling premiums and out-of-pocket expenses are pushing them into bankruptcy or forcing them to go without the check-ups or prescriptions they need.  Business owners who fear they’ll be forced to choose between keeping their doors open or covering their workers.  Americans who rightly worry that the ballooning costs of Medicare and Medicaid could lead to fiscal catastrophe down the road.

Okay, so really, turn down the lights and put away the mics.  Serious.  Medicare and Medicaid.  In a speech designed to convince me that we need to turn our health care system over to you, you bring up Medicare and Medicaid?  Maybe, just maybe, before you decide that you wanna add another program to our debt load, you would think that you would fix these two?  No?  how come?  Really, yeah….details….

Simply put, the status quo is broken.

Perhaps.  But I am SURE you have no clue as to why.

We cannot continue this way.  If we do nothing, everyone’s health care will be put in jeopardy.

Not true.  Not true at all.  See, people who continue to value health care will make sure that they have it.  Those that don’t, well, won’t.  But jeez, that would require that you have experience in the real world, and well, you don’t have that.  Do you?  My, how embarrassing.

Within a decade, we’ll spend one dollar out of every five we earn on health care – and we’ll keep getting less for our money.

Wanna talk about that whole “Less for our money thing”?  Did you know that the world’s wealthiest most powerful people come to America for medical care?  You know, King Hussein, you know, King of Jordan, traveled to a small farm town in the middle of Minnesota;s farm land to see a doctor.  Meanwhile, a small town teacher in the heart of the same farm community also drove to the Mayo for treatment.  Gotta hand it to those conniving merciless profiteers out there in Rochester.  Bastards!

That’s why fixing what’s wrong with our health care system is no longer a luxury we hope to achieve – it’s a necessity we cannot postpone any longer.

Postpone.  I suspect that’s a word you will get used to saying.  Perhaps not hearing.  Cause, well, you know, YOU won’t be expected to be covered by this crappy insurance.

The growing consensus around that reality has led an unprecedented coalition to come together for change.

Huh?  Flashback Presbo?  What in THEE hell are you talking about?

Unlike past attempts at reforming our health care system, everyone is at the table – patient’s advocates and health insurers; business and labor; Democrats and Republicans alike.

No one is at the table you crazy loon.  Just you.

A few weeks ago, some of these improbable allies committed to cut national health care spending by two trillion dollars over the next decade.  What makes this so remarkable is that it probably wouldn’t have happened just a few short years ago.

Right.  Along with the President of the United States firing a CEO, limiting executive pay and compensation and then just kinda shredding bankruptcy law.  But hell, who’s keepin’ score?

But today, at this historic juncture, even old adversaries are united around the same goal: quality, affordable health care for all Americans.

See, you politician speak on this one.  We all agree that “medical care” is high.  But you don’t wanna fix that.  Nope, no way.  What you wanna do is keep it high and then just make everybody pay for it.

Now, I know that when you bring together disparate groups with differing views, there will be lively debate.  And that’s a debate I welcome.

Welcome.  You keep using that word.  I do not think that word means what you think it means. /sexyspanishaccent

But what we can’t welcome is reform that just invests more money in the status quo – reform that throws good money after bad habits.

We must attack the root causes of skyrocketing health care costs.  Some of these costs are the result of unwarranted profiteering

See buster.  I KNEW you could do it.  Damn profiteers.  I mean really, who would think that modern economic theory was so so wrong!?

that has no place in our health care system, and in too many communities, folks are paying higher costs without receiving better care in return.  And yet we know, for example, that there are places like the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio, and other institutions that offer some of the highest quality of care in the nation at some of the lowest costs in the nation.  We should learn from their successes and promote the best practices, not the most expensive ones.  That’s how we’ll achieve reform that fixes what doesn’t work, and builds on what does.

Whoe nellie!  That’s not what you’re saying.  What you are saying is “Lets take this same crappy system and just nationalize it.  Let’s just make everybody buy insurance and then tax the hell out of ’em”.  You never once have mentioned innovation in terms of “medical care” delivery.  Never!

This week, I conveyed to Congress my belief that any health care reform must be built around fundamental reforms that lower costs, improve quality and coverage, and also protect consumer choice.  That means if you like the plan you have, you can keep it.  If you like the doctor you have, you can keep your doctor, too.  The only change you’ll see are falling costs as our reforms take hold.

LOL

I also made it very clear to Congress that we must develop a plan that doesn’t add to our budget deficit.

Stop.  Serious.  Who is buying this?

My budget included an historic down payment on reform, and we’ll work with Congress to fully cover the costs through rigorous spending reductions and appropriate additional revenues.  We’ll eliminate waste, fraud, and abuse in our health care system, but we’ll also take on key causes of rising costs – saving billions while providing better care to the American people.

All across America, our families are making hard choices when it comes to health care.  Now, it’s time for Washington to make the right ones.  It’s time to deliver.  And I am absolutely convinced that if we keep working together and living up to our mutual responsibilities; if we place the American people’s interests above the special interests; we will seize this historic opportunity to finally fix what ails our broken health care system, and strengthen our economy and our country now and for decades to come.

Good night.  I am done.

The Chairman’s Weekly Radio Address: April 25, 2009

Barack Obama’s Weekly Radio Address

April 25, 2009

Good morning.

Good morning.  But I bet it gets worse in about 3-2-1….

Over the last three months, my Administration has taken aggressive action to confront an historic economic crisis.

Yup, way worse.  Look, you keep sayin’ it, you Just Keep SAYIN’ it!  This is ONLY historic because it is the first time it has ever really affected YOU.  Stop.  And. Do. The. Math.

As we do everything that we can to create jobs and get our economy moving,

You know, I have tried.  I have read this line and then re-read it.  Like lots.  And I just can’t quite get over this whole part.  YOU CAN’T CREATE JOBS!  YOU don’t produce ANYTHING.  Sigh.

we’re also building a new foundation for lasting prosperity

You are not.  You.  Are lying.

– a foundation that invests in quality education, lowers health care costs,

Now stop, just stop.  You have no intention of lowering health care costs.  In fact, the opposite is true.  You want RAISE the total health care spend, you just wanna pull the cost from the wealthy and give it to the poor.

and develops new sources of energy powered by new jobs and industries.

See, I hear whatcha are sayin’, I just don’t think that yo know how to go about it.  You have to let these entrepreneurs loose in a “sandbox”.  Let them think and learn and invent FREE of government; not beholden to it.

One of the pillars of that foundation must be fiscal discipline.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA  -inhale- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Stop it.  Please.  Oh lawd, THAT is rich!

We came into office

How much longer are you going to continue to play that card?

facing a budget deficit of $1.3 trillion for this year alone, and the cost of confronting our economic crisis is high. But we cannot settle for a future of rising deficits and debts that our children cannot pay.

Umm, but you did.  Serious.  Check it out.  And, not for nothin’, but YOU did it.

All across America, families are tightening their belts and making hard choices. Now, Washington must show that same sense of responsibility. That is why we have identified two trillion dollars in deficit-reductions over the next decade, while taking on the special interest spending that doesn’t advance the peoples’ interests.

I’m feelin’ it!  I’m a feelin’ it!

But we must also recognize that we cannot meet the challenges of today with old habits and stale thinking. So much of our government was built to deal with different challenges from a different era.

Amen!

Too often, the result is wasteful spending, bloated programs, and inefficient results.

I’ll say it again, AMEN!

It’s time to fundamentally change the way that we do business in Washington.

Hallelujah

To help build a new foundation for the 21st century, we need to reform our government so that it is more efficient,

Yes Lord!

more transparent,

Yes Lord!

and more creative. That will demand new thinking and a new sense of responsibility for every dollar that is spent.

The demons have been purged and and we are on our way to fiscal heaven!  I feel, I say I FEEL the love!

Earlier this week, I held my first Cabinet meeting and sent a clear message: cut what doesn’t work. Already, we’ve identified substantial savings. And in the days and weeks ahead, we will continue going through the budget line by line, and we’ll identify more than 100 programs that will be cut or eliminated.

But we can’t stop there. We need to go further, and we need an all-hands-on-deck approach to reforming government. That’s why I’m announcing several steps that my Administration will take in the weeks ahead to restore fiscal discipline while making our government work better.

First, we need to adhere to the basic principle that new tax or entitlement policies should be paid for. This principle – known as PAYGO – helped transform large deficits into surpluses in the 1990s. Now, we must restore that sense of fiscal discipline. That’s why I’m calling on Congress to pass PAYGO legislation like a bill that will be introduced by Congressman Baron Hill, so that government acts the same way any responsible family does in setting its budget.

Second, we’ll create new incentives to reduce wasteful spending and to invest in what works. We don’t want agencies to protect bloated budgets – we want them to promote effective programs. So the idea is simple: agencies that identify savings will get to keep a portion of those savings to invest in programs that work. The result will be a smaller budget, and a more effective government.

Third, we’ll look for ideas from the bottom up. After all, Americans across the country know that the best ideas often come from workers – not just management. That’s why we’ll establish a process through which every government worker can submit their ideas for how their agency can save money and perform better. We’ll put the suggestions that work into practice. And later this year, I will meet with those who come up with the best ideas to hear firsthand about how they would make your government more efficient and effective.

And finally, we will reach beyond the halls of government. Many businesses have innovative ways of using technology to save money, and many experts have new ideas to make government work more efficiently. Government can – and must – learn from them. So later this year, we will host a forum on reforming government for the 21st century, so that we’re also guided by voices that come from outside of Washington.

We cannot sustain deficits that mortgage our children’s future, nor tolerate wasteful inefficiency.

Coulda fooled me.  Have you seen what you have been spending kind sir?

Government has a responsibility to spend the peoples’ money wisely,

THIS I know.  I just don’t think that you know it.

and to serve the people effectively. I will work every single day that I am President to live up to that responsibility, and to transform our government so that is held to a higher standard of performance on behalf of the American people.

Thank you.

The Chairman’s Weekly Radio Address: March 21, 2009

Barack Obama’s Weekly Radio Address

March 21, 2009

Last week, I spent a few days in California, campaigning talking with Jay Leno ordinary Americans in town halls and in the places where they work.  We talked about their struggles, and we talked about their hopes.

Ahhh yes, hope.  Whoda thunk it; campaign trail and hope.

At the end of the day, these men and women weren’t as concerned with the news of the day in Washington as they were about the very real and very serious challenges their families face every day:  whether they’ll have a job and a paycheck to count on; whether they’ll be able to pay their medical bills or afford college tuition;

Look Sparkey, you are talking to “ordinary Americans” in California.  Of COURSE they’re worried about these things!!  I mean, come on, have you seen what the Democrats have done to that state?

What, YOU are a Democrat that supports all of these things?  Oh my.

whether they’ll be able to leave their children a world that’s safer and more prosperous than the one we have now.

Maybe they think you are going to release the Gitmo innocents into Cali?  Then again, maybe not.  Just sayin’.

Those are the concerns I heard about in California.  They are the concerns I’ve heard about in letters from people throughout this country for the last two years.

Dude, serious.  Are you TRYING to make it obvious that you are campaigning?

And they are the concerns addressed in the budget I sent to Congress last month.

Um, no.  No it’s not actually.  What concerns me [heh heh, I kill me] about your budget is that you are going to turn all of us into California.

With the magnitude of the challenges we face,

Don’t look now, but the recovery appears to have begun.  And again, whoda thunk it, not one dime of bailout money has been spent.

I don’t just view this budget as numbers on a page or a laundry list of programs.

It’s an economic blueprint for our future – a vision of America where growth is not based on

Reality

real estate bubbles or overleveraged banks,

Yo, over leveraged banks?  Umm yeah, not so over leveraged if when this new accounting method is restored.

but on a firm foundation of investments in energy,

Short for tax and economic hardship.

education,

We’ll see.

and health care

You just can’t stop wading in markets you don’t understand.

that will lead to a real and lasting decade long recession prosperity.

These investments are not a wish list of priorities that I picked out of thin air – they are a central part of a comprehensive strategy to grow this economy by attacking the very problems that have dragged it down for too long:

  • High taxes
  • Over regulation

Maybe?

the high cost of health care and our dependence on foreign oil; our education deficit and our fiscal deficit.

Sigh.  I didn’t think so.

Now, as the House and the Senate take up this budget next week, the specific details and dollar amounts in this budget will undoubtedly change.  That’s a normal and healthy part of the process.

But when all is said and done, I expect a budget that meets four basic principles:

First, it must reduce our dependence on dangerous foreign oil and finally put this nation on a path to a clean, renewable energy future.

On the one hand you mention dangerous foreign oil.  Then on the other hand, you mention clean and renewable energy.  Which is it?  Cause we gots lots of domestic energy if you would just let us go get it.

There is no longer a doubt that the jobs and industries of tomorrow

We may differ in the definition of tomorrow here.

will involve harnessing renewable sources of energy.  The only question is whether America will lead that future.  I believe we can and we will, and that’s why we’ve proposed a budget that makes clean energy the profitable kind of energy, while investing in technologies like wind power and solar power; advanced biofuels, clean coal, and fuel-efficient cars and trucks that can be built right here in America.

Second, this budget must renew our nation’s commitment to a complete and competitive education for every American child.  In this global economy, we know the countries that out-educate us today will out-compete us tomorrow, and we know that our students are already falling behind their counterparts in places like China.  That is why we have proposed investments in childhood education programs that work; in high standards and accountability for our schools; in rewards for teachers who succeed; and in affordable college education for anyone who wants to go.  It is time to demand excellence from our schools so that we can finally prepare our workforce for a 21st century economy.

I think I agree with all of this.  But it’s a turd.  Who hasn’t sad this?

Third, we need a budget that makes a serious investment in health care reform – reform that will bring down costs,

With ya.

ensure quality,

Right there.

and guarantee people their choice of doctors and hospitals.

Wow.  Three for three.

Right now, there are millions of Americans who are just one illness or medical emergency away from bankruptcy.

Oh oh.

There are businesses that have been forced to close their doors or ship jobs overseas because they can’t afford insurance.  Medicare costs are consuming our federal budget.  Medicaid is overwhelming our state budgets.  So to those who say we have to choose between health care reform and fiscal discipline, I say that making investments now that will dramatically lower health care costs for everyone won’t add to our budget deficit in the long-term – it is one of the best ways to reduce it.

See, but you don’t wanna reduce costs.  You wanna give health insurance to everyone.  If you wanted to reduce costs, you would be doing a whole different set of things.

Finally, this budget must reduce that deficit even further.  With the fiscal mess we’ve inherited and the cost of this financial crisis,

Ok dude, so, if you are going to keep at it, I am.  You voted for it and in part were responsible for the crisis.  Senator.

I’ve proposed a budget that cuts our deficit in half by the end of my first term.  That’s why we are scouring every corner of the budget and have proposed $2 trillion in deficit reductions over the next decade.

Not wholly true.  But at this point, I’ve lost count.

In total, our budget would bring discretionary spending for domestic programs as a share of the economy to its lowest level in nearly half a century.

What do you mean by discretionary?

And we will continue making these tough choices in the months and years ahead so that as our economy recovers, we do what we must to bring this deficit down.

I will be discussing each of these principles next week, as Congress takes up the important work of debating this budget.  I realize there are those who say these plans are too ambitious to enact.  To that I say that the challenges we face are too large to ignore.  I didn’t come here to pass on our problems to the next President or the next generation – I came here to solve them.

The American people sent us here to get things done, and at this moment of great challenge, they are watching and waiting for us to lead.  Let’s show them that we are equal to the task before us, and let’s pass a budget that puts this nation on the road to lasting prosperity.

I agree.  So throw this one away and go back to the drawing board.  Thanks, and God bless America!

The Chairman’s Weekly Radio Address: February 21, 2009

Barack Obama’s Weekly Radio Address

February 21, 2009

Earlier this week, I signed into law the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act — the most sweeping

Sweeping is a word.  Not the one I would have picked, but, hey, who am I?

economic recovery plan in history.  Because of this plan, 3.5 million Americans

How do you know?  Where did you get this number?  3.5 million…..

will now go to work

This is tricky of you Mr. Chairman!  Very very tricky.  You make it sound like these 3.5 million, of which 3.5 million are unemployed, will go to work.  Now.  Gotta hand it to ya sparky, sure got the Chicago style down pat, dont’cha?

doing the work that America needs done.

I’m grateful to Congress, governors and mayors across the country, and to all of you whose support made this critical step possible.

Lot less of them that ya thought, though, huh?  All this hope and change?  Yeah, me either.

Because of what we did together, there will now be shovels in the ground, cranes in the air, and workers rebuilding our crumbling roads and bridges, and repairing our faulty levees and dams.

Those things, those things should have been being done ANYWAY!!!

Because of what we did, companies — large and small — that produce renewable energy can now apply for loan guarantees and tax credits and find ways to grow, instead of laying people off; and families can lower their energy bills by weatherizing their homes.

Blink.  Blink.  Weatherize our homes?  Next you’ll be tellin’ me to inflate the tires on my car!  Hahahah–wait, what?  You already said that?  Oh my.

Because of what we did, our children can now graduate from 21st century schools and millions more can do what was unaffordable just last week — and get their college degree.

Whoa whoa whoa sparkey.  More money in the schools ain’t what keeping kids from graduation.  You got that!?

Because of what we did, lives will be saved and health care costs will be cut with new computerized medical records.

Awesome idea.  Really really is.  But not stimulative.  Just not.  Write it up in a bill and pass it.  But don’t lie to me.  Change my ass.

Because of what we did, there will now be police on the beat, firefighters on the job, and teachers preparing lesson plans who thought they would not be able to continue pursuing their critical missions.  And ensure that all of this is done with an unprecedented level of transparency

Cough  —bullshit— cough.  You didn’t even let Republican LAWMAKERS in the room when this was written.  You SAID daylight.  5 days.  For us to see.  Transparency.  “I don’t think that word means what you think it means!”

and accountability,

Right.  Forgive the disbelief.

I have assigned a team of managers to make sure that precious tax dollars are invested wisely and well.

Right.  Forgive the disbelief.

Because of what we did, 95 percent of all working families will get a tax cut — in keeping with a promise I made on the campaign.

This one you keep?  THIS one?  Awesome you “non tax cutter”

And I’m pleased to announce that this morning, the Treasury Department began directing employers to reduce the amount of taxes withheld from paychecks — meaning that by April 1st, a typical family will begin taking home at least $65 more every month.  Never before in our history has a tax cut taken effect faster or gone to so many hardworking Americans.

But as important as it was that I was able to sign this plan into law, it is only a first step on the road to economic recovery.

Aaaahhh, here comes the punchline.

And we can’t fail to complete the journey.  That will require stemming the spread of foreclosures and falling home values, and doing all we can to help responsible homeowners stay in their homes, which is exactly what the housing plan I announced last week will help us do.

Serious?!?  Are you F$%#ckin’ KIDDING me?  Do you read the papers?  Do you READ what is going on?  Do you have a CLUE as to what got us in this mess?  Home ownership?  Come on man!  Stay out of the way.  Let the market clear.

It will require stabilizing and repairing our banking system, and getting credit flowing again to families and businesses.  It will require reforming the broken regulatory system

Google “Mark to market” you regulatory guy you.

that made this crisis possible, and recognizing that it’s only by setting and enforcing 21st century rules of the road that we can build a thriving economy.

And it will require doing all we can to get exploding deficits

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  Breath.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.

Thank you.

under control as our economy begins to recover.  That work begins on Monday, when I will convene a fiscal summit of independent experts and unions, advocacy groups and members of Congress, to discuss how we can cut the trillion-dollar

Pssst.    It’s now well over 3 trillion on it’s way to 7.

deficit that we’ve inherited.

It was the Senator YOU that gave this heapin pile of shit to the Blessed Leader you that is now talkin’ about it!  Dude.

On Tuesday, I will speak to the nation about our urgent national priorities.  And on Thursday, I’ll release a budget that’s sober in its assessments, honest in its accounting, and lays out in detail my strategy for investing in what we need, cutting what we don’t, and restoring fiscal discipline.

No single piece of this broad economic recovery can, by itself, meet the demands that have been placed on us.

This I agree with.  Nothin you do is gonna do the trick!

We can’t help people find work or pay their bills unless we unlock credit for families and businesses.  We can’t solve our housing crisis unless we help people find work so that they can make payments on their homes.  We can’t produce shared prosperity without firm rules of the road, and we can’t generate sustained growth without getting our deficits under control.  In short, we cannot successfully address any of our problems without addressing them all.  And that is exactly what the strategy we are pursuing is designed to do.

None of this will be easy.  The road ahead will be long and full of hazards.  But I am confident that we, as a people, have the strength and wisdom to carry out this strategy and overcome this crisis.

Careful.  We elected a no name Senator with zero experience and a past history of foolish policies.

And if we do, our economy — and our country — will be better and stronger for it.

Thank you.

The Chairman’s Weekly Radio Address: February 7, 2009

Barack Obama’s Weekly Radio Address

February 7, 2009

Yesterday began with some devastating news with regard to our economic crisis.  But I’m pleased to say it ended on a more positive note.

This must be speech writing 101.  I think that you started out last week’s address exactly the same way.

In the morning, we received yet another round of alarming employment figures – the worst in more than 30 years.

Okay, okay; I’ll give this one to ya.  At least you didn’t bring up the whole “worst since the Great Depression” thang.  So, while this may be as bad as the 90’s, it’s close.  And yes, the last time we saw numbers this bad was in the early 80’s.  About 28 years; so, okay, let’s go with 30.

Another 600,000 jobs were lost in January.  We’ve now lost more than 3.6 million jobs since this recession began.

Right, and 3.6 million sounds like a lot, heck, it IS a lot.  But, let’s take a look.  Since 1981, the last BIG recession, the labor force has grown some 50%.  So, while 3.6 million remains a lot of people, lets put this into perspective.

But by the evening, Democrats and Republicans came together in the Senate and responded appropriately to the urgency this moment demands.

Let’s be honest here sparky.  Every single Democrat – ALL of them– and just THREE Republicans came together.  This is not the partisan promise you sold me.  Actually, I personally didn’t buy ANY of your snake oil, but you know what I mean.

In the midst of our greatest economic crisis since the Great Depression,

I knew it.  I JUST KNEW you couldn’t make it through one of these infomercials with out a worst since the Great Depression reference.  You do know that this just makes you sound stupid.  I guess now I understand how the left felt about listening to Dubya.  Change……

the American people were hoping that Congress would begin to confront the great challenges we face.  That was, after all, what last November’s election was all about.

Legislation of such magnitude deserves the scrutiny that it’s received over the last month, and it will receive more in the days to come.  But we can’t afford to make perfect the enemy of the absolutely necessary.

Month?  What’choo talkin ‘about Willis?  This ain’t been no month!  You have been in office shy three week.  You know and I know that you are pushing this through before the American people support it less than they supported Dubya!

The scale and scope of this plan is right.  And the time for action is now.

If by right you mean horribly horribly wrong, then yeah, I’m with ya.  Action schmaction.  If you do nothing, just NOTHING, we are out of this in less than 6 months.

Because if we don’t move swiftly to put this plan in motion, our economic crisis could become a national catastrophe.  Millions of Americans will lose their jobs,

Pssst, over here.  Check it out….when Americans bring down debt -and they should bring down debt-it’s a recessionary action.  We knew this going in.  Okay, back to you.

their homes,

Pssst, over here.  Check it out…..[wait wait wait–do I really have to be the guy to tell you this?] It was those poepl GETTING their homes that caused this whole freaking mess to begin with?  What are doin?  Hey man, don’t walk away from me…..

and their health care.  Millions more will have to put their dreams on hold.

Let’s be clear:

Okay, okay.  Being clear time!  Let’s go.

We can’t expect relief from the tired old theories that, in eight short years,

Clear–being clear.  This is all George W. Bush’s fault.  Got it.  Not even three weeks in and I am tired of you!  Clear my ass.

doubled the national debt, threw our economy into a tailspin, and led us into this mess in the first place.

Whoo sparky.  “into this mess in the first place.”  Do you read or study?  I mean, you must have, right?  Double Ivy?  I mean, how in the HELL did you make it through?  Let’s review:

  1. Democrats initiated a program that sold people homes they couldn’t afford.  Bad bad bad.
  2. Democrats allowed Fannie and Freddie to go unchecked.  This not only perpetuated the lending money to people who couldn’t afford it, but in fact, accelerated it by creating a market for OTHER banks to do the same thing.
  3. Democrats came in and INCREASED regulation changing basic as well as tried and true accounting principals.
    1. Google Mark to Market

We can’t rely on a losing formula that offers only tax cuts as the answer to all our problems while ignoring our fundamental economic challenges

Things like borrowing and printing money to spend our way out of debt.  Anyone know the rat race that is cash advance from VISA to pay Mastercard?  Would you consul your daughters to do that?  No, then why are you telling me to do that?

– the crushing cost of health care or the inadequate state of so many schools; our addiction to foreign oil or our crumbling roads, bridges, and levees.

Look, we’re with ya on the whole schools, energy and infrastructure thing.  Really, we are.  But we are also not so fookin stupid as to think that they are the same thing as a stimulus bill.  If you want money for schools, get out your Abe Lincoln oil lamp and craft such a bill.  You should remember how to do it from your days in the Senate, right?  I mean, hell, you were responsible for huge and important legislation while you were—oh my, how embarrassing for you.  You weren’t were you?  Huh, well, maybe that explains why you don’t know how this whole thing works.

The American people know that our challenges are great.  They don’t expect Democratic solutions or Republican solutions – they expect American solutions.

From the beginning, this recovery plan has had at its core a simple idea:  Let’s put Americans to work doing the work America needs done.

Except it’s not the Government’s role to create jobs.  Just allow proper conditions to exist and we’ll take care of the rest.

It will save or create more than 3 million jobs over the next two years,

Umm, gosh, this is getting old, but you may wanna, you  know, research this.  Even your own peeps are not so much thinking 3 million

all across the country – 16,000 in Maine, nearly 80,000 in Indiana – almost all of them in the private sector, and all of them jobs that help us recover today, and prosper tomorrow.

Jobs that upgrade classrooms and laboratories in 10,000 schools nationwide – at least 485 in Florida alone – and train an army of teachers in math and science.

Jobs that modernize our health care system, not only saving us billions of dollars, but countless lives.

Jobs that construct a smart electric grid, connect every corner of the country to the information superhighway, double our capacity to generate renewable energy, and grow the economy of tomorrow.

Jobs that rebuild our crumbling roads, bridges and levees and dams, so that the tragedies of New Orleans and Minneapolis never happen again.

It includes immediate tax relief for our struggling middle class in places like Ohio,

We’ve been over this before as well.  When you take steal money from me and GIVE it to someone else, that is neither a tax cut or a relief.  All it does is PISS me off without benefiting anyone.

where 4.5 million workers will receive a tax cut of up to $1,000.

Okay, okay, you win.  I agree, Uncle.  Let’s give these people that $1,000.  Just DO it already.  In fact, if you PROMISE to just not talk anymore, I’ll double it.  That’s 9 billion dollars.  Just saved ya about 850 billion.

It protects health insurance and provides unemployment insurance for those who’ve lost their jobs.  And it helps our states and communities avoid painful tax hikes or layoffs

Dude, DUDE!  You SAID you studied Constitutional Law.  It is not YOUR job to reduce State and City taxes.

for our teachers, nurses, and first responders.

Stop it!  Shameless emotional garbage!

That’s what is at stake with this plan:  putting Americans back to work, creating transformative economic change, and making a down payment

What?  Down payment?  A down payment is money that you ALREADY have placed down for money you are going to borrow.  This, THIS is a lot of things.  But isn’t most certainly NOT a down payment!

on the American Dream that serves our children and our children’s children for generations to come.

Americans across this country are struggling, and they are watching to see if we’re equal to the task before us.  Let’s show them that we are.  And let’s do whatever it takes to keep the promise of America alive in our time.

If only you would!

Thank you.

The Chairman’s Weekly Radio Address: January 31, 2009

Barack Obama’s Weekly Radio Address

January 31, 2009

This morning I’d like to talk about some good news and some bad news as we confront our economic crisis.

Finally, some change I can believe in.  I am very very much in need of good news.  But, alas, I don’t believe you are capable of delivering it.

The bad news is well known to Americans across our country as we continue to struggle through unprecedented economic turmoil.

Are you talking to America?  Or, are you talking to your daughters?  Unprecedented economic turmoil…..that is just inexcusably irresponsible.

Yesterday we learned that our economy shrank by nearly 4 percent

Yo, Mr. “detail leaver outer”….the economy did not shrink by 4%, or even the 3.8% that was reported.  It shrank by .965% for the 4th quarter 2008.  Call it 1%, go ahead and round up to continue to scare us silly.  But really, really!, 4%?  Something about irresponsible comes to mind.  Though I suspect I am going to have to discipline myself to continue to avoid such references.

from October through December. That decline was the largest in over a quarter century, and it underscores the seriousness of the economic crisis that my administration found when we took office.

Nice pick.  Blame Dubya for all of this.  As if the Senate had noooothing to do with it.  Didn’t vote for TARP.  Golly, if ONLY we could get one two of those Senators and just YELL at them.

Already the slowdown has cost us tens of thousands of jobs in January alone. And the picture is likely to get worse before it gets better.

Make no mistake,

Umm, so far, it’s not me thats making the mistakes.

these are not just numbers. Behind every statistic there’s a story. Many Americans have seen their lives turned upside down. Families have been forced to make painful choices. Parents are struggling to pay the bills. Patients can’t afford care. Students can’t keep pace with tuition. And workers don’t know whether their retirement will be dignified and secure.

The good news

Oh good!  Good news…..

is that we are moving forward with a sense of urgency equal to the challenge.

Awesome.  Waiting for the goods.

This week the House passed the American Recovery and Reinvestment Plan,

Wait wait wait….what is this?  You said, you PROMISED me good news.

which will save or create more than 3 million jobs over the next few years. It puts a tax cut into the pockets of working families,

No.  No it doesn’t.  What it DOES do is put MY money in their pockets.  But, you know–details, who needs ’em?.

and places a down payment on America’s future by investing in energy independence and education, affordable health care, and American infrastructure.

Good ideas all.  But, step over here Sparky……none of them have anything to do with, you know, the economy.  Much less stimulating it.

Now this recovery plan moves to the Senate. I will continue working with both parties so that the strongest possible bill gets to my desk.

I bet we have different definitions of “strong” in this case.

With the stakes so high we simply cannot afford the same old gridlock and partisan posturing in Washington. It’s time to move in a new direction.

gawd.

Americans know that our economic recovery will take years

As in, say….about…threeish?  Just right in time for your second run at the Office?

— not months. But they will have little patience if we allow politics to get in the way of action,

hahahahah, stop!  My belly hurts.  Really.

and our economy continues to slide. That’s why I am calling on the Senate to pass this plan, so that we can put people back to work and begin the long, hard work of lifting our economy out of this crisis. No one bill, no matter how comprehensive, can cure what ails our economy. So just as we jumpstart job creation, we must also ensure that markets are stable, credit is flowing, and families can stay in their homes.

Except that putting those families in their homes is the cause of all of this.  But, I’m sure you knew that, right?  Wait…why are shaking your head no?  Oh my, how embarrassing, you didn’t know that did you?

Last year Congress passed a plan to rescue the financial system.

Don’t make it sound like it was “they”.  YOU voted for it.  Don’t ever forget that; we won’t!

While the package helped avoid a financial collapse, many are frustrated by the results — and rightfully so. Too often taxpayer dollars have been spent without transparency or accountability. Banks have been extended a hand, but homeowners, students, and small businesses that need loans have been left to fend on their own.

And adding to this outrage, we learned this week that even as they petitioned for taxpayer assistance, Wall Street firms shamefully paid out nearly $20 billion in bonuses for 2008. While I’m committed to doing what it takes to maintain the flow of credit, the American people will not excuse or tolerate such arrogance and greed. The road to recovery demands that we all act responsibly, from Main Street to Washington to Wall Street.

Soon my Treasury Secretary, Tim Geithner, will announce a new strategy for reviving our financial system

Raise taxes and then not pay ’em.  Love it!

that gets credit flowing to businesses and families. We’ll help lower mortgage costs and extend loans to small businesses so they can create jobs. We’ll ensure that CEOs are not draining funds that should be advancing our recovery. And we will insist on unprecedented transparency, rigorous oversight, and clear accountability — so taxpayers know how their money is being spent and whether it is achieving results.

Rarely in history has our country faced economic problems as devastating as this crisis.

All right, stop.  Devastating.  Crisis.  How about this change?  Change the way in which you are painting this economic exercise.

But the strength of the American people compels us to come together. The road ahead will be long, but I promise you that every day that I go to work in the Oval Office I carry with me your stories, and my administration is dedicated to alleviating your struggles and advancing your dreams.

How about this?  If you stay out of the way, I’ll promise to work on my dream by myself.  Sheesh.

You are calling for action. Now is the time for those of us in Washington to live up to our responsibilities.

UPDATE:

I was in bed and it dawned on me; you kinda fooked me on that whole Good News thing.