Some time ago I posted on the development that cribs were being banned. See, it appeared that 30 or so kids in the last 10 years had died while in a crib. so, well, the government being what the government is, decided to band ’em.
The sky is falling.
The latest? Well, see below.
Coffee tables.
Yup, the great American tradition. The coffee table. It’s now an instrument of torture. And surly to be banned soon, I’m sure:
God does not punish Jewish children for celebrating Christmas. Uzi Rosha acknowledges that. But Mr. Rosha, a 42-year-old lawyer, cannot help but think that his son Uri’s accident — the one that opened a geyser of blood on his left cheek — would not have happened if the family had never gone to their first Christmas party.
Mr. Rosha could hardly blame the hosts, “a really nice, older couple,” in the affluent suburb of Minnetonka, Minn.
…
The real culprit, Mr. Rosha believes, was the glass coffee table in the neighbors’ living room.
…
The Christmas tree may be the focal point of holiday decorating. It twinkles, it sparkles, it dangles candy. But while parents are shooing the children away from that rogue conifer, there is a far greater hazard in the middle of the living room: the coffee table.
…
Do not be fooled. The coffee table means your children harm. And when it attacks, results can be ugly.
Jeez, even with me editing out as much as I could, I STILL wanna vomit when I read that nonsense. Anyway, data please:
Last year, 143,070 children age 5 and younger visited emergency rooms after table accidents…
Holy mother of all that’s holy! Ban ’em! Ban ’em for the LOVE of God!
Of course that’s silly. And so is banning cribs.
But what is NOT silly, seriously not silly–or funny–is voting for people who wanna pass laws that ban things like coffee tables. Or cribs.
I must give my testimonial. When I was 4, I tripped and hit my head on a coffee table. Blood spewed everywhere. This is why I’m shortbus wonderkid now. Perhaps if Uzi’s kid wasn’t running around like a little animal, or was allowed outside to act like a little animal, the kid’s terrible tradgedy could have been avoided.
I need to debunk the crib thing too. I’ve made my wife sleep in a crib for a whole year, and she isn’t dead.
This is why I’m shortbus wonderkid now.
LOL
Perhaps if Uzi’s kid wasn’t running around like a little animal, or was allowed outside to act like a little animal, the kid’s terrible tradgedy could have been avoided.
I agree. A while they aren’t blaming
coffee tables I get the feeling that they don’t think it’s their fault.
I’ve made my wife sleep in a crib for a whole year, and she isn’t dead.
Wait, that was you!?! 😉